Just Let 'Em Play......It Pays off!!

Mark Hyman, author of "Until It Hurts: America's Obsession With Youth Sports and How It Harms Our Kids," recently wrote a column about an interesting experiment taking place in New York called Sandlot Day 2010.Tim Donovan, director of the Youth Sports Institute, came up with the idea. In January he began to promote it to youth leagues across the state encouraging them to create one day of baseball where the kids have completely control over every aspect of the organization. Donovan's goal is to convince 25 leagues in New York to participate this summer. "We're not the sports sheriff, he said. "We think organized baseball is great. But we think it's also good for kids to play home run derby, to have a passion and a sense of ownership about their sports."

This is a great idea and it's beginning to catch on in other places around the country in the form of weekly programs and summer camps at local Recreation Centers. Little League still provides a wonderful experience for kids. The problem is that nearly every other free moment of their lives is organized for them as well. Recollections from my childhood are dominated by memories of pick up basketball games at a neighbor's house and impromptu baseball games at the park. We chose our own teams, settled our own disputes, and often made up our own rules. The only time we heard from a parent was when one of us was late for dinner!

In today's world it is not always safe to let children run off and play in the park unsupervised. However, because kids rarely engage in free play without adults around, peer socialization has suffered. David Elkind, professor of child development at Tufts University, says that "One tangible result of the lack of socialization is the increase in bullying, teasing, and discrimination that we see in all too many of our schools." In the past children learned, as Elkind put it, "to settle their own quarrels, make and break their own rules, and to respect the rights of others. They learned that friends could be mean as well as kind, and that life was not always fair."

Parents are and always will be a child's most important teachers. Talking about and modeling good values along with establishing boundaries are the most crucial elements in a child's development. But children learn how to solve problems through interactions with peers. As Donovan says, "The lessons learned from choosing sides......negotiation, conflict, resolution.....they're the building blocks of civilization." Allowing children to take part in situations where they have to work things out enables them to develop a sense of self. Young people who have been subject to constant control and scrutiny by adults never have to learn how to take responsibility for their own actions.

My advice to parents is to worry less about making sure that your child is getting enough structure and be more concerned with creating a balance between organized events and unsupervised time. I am relieved that my boys grew up before "select" sports became so all consuming. They played on organized teams when they were young, but spent at least as much time up the street playing pick up games with kids in the neighborhood. Despite the lack of adult supervision and expertise, several high school stars and college athletes emerged from that group. More importantly they have become independent, self sufficient young adults.