No One Is Too Big To Fail

The story of Abraham Lincoln's life....overcoming adversity at seemingly every turn of his life.....may be familiar to many people. But some of the other stories of high profile individuals featured on this short youtube clip might surprise you. All of them persevered through failure and rejection to achieve excellence. How would they fare if raised in today's PR crafted, celebrity-obsessed, failure-is-not-an-option culture?

How does this relate to youth sports? Well because it's important for children to be allowed to mess up. Research has shown that the profile of the child most likely to struggle in adulthood is the Big Man On Campus because he never faces adversity......until it's too late. As a parent I wanted my boys to experience failure. Too many parents want their kids to be viewed as successful at all times. If they are allowed to fail, they will fall behind their peers. "What's going to happen to my boy if he's not keeping up with Johnny?!"

The problem with this line of thinking is two fold. It's not practical because projecting future success based on how you rate as a 14 year old is impossible. More importantly children who feel that they HAVE TO BE SUCCESSFUL stop striving. Instead of constantly seeking to improve, they feel pressure to settle for a favorable perception. This is why so many athletes get to college and stop working. In their minds they've arrived!

As Bill Gates once said "It's fine to celebrate success, but it's more important to heed the lessons of failure." When your child stumbles, let him get up on his own. Restrain yourself now so that your child will hold up later......when it really counts. The bailout craze does not apply to parenting!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6hz_s2XIAU

Hmmm....Which One Would You Rather Coach?

Will your child be prepared when he gets to a level where the competition is real (all of his peers are as good or better than he is) and his coach calls him out? How will he respond? Here is how two different professional baseball players responded following confrontations with their managers.

During a game in 2008 Jimmy Rollins, star shortstop for the Philadelphia Phillies, was benched by manager Charlie Manual for failing to hustle. Here's what Rollins said to the media after the game:

"He (Manager Charlie Manual) has two rules:be on time and hustle; and I broke one of them. I know better. Sometimes the manager gets you. I have to go out there and make sure I don't do it again. It's something you learn from."

In a recent game Hanley Ramirez, star shortstop for the Florida Marlins,was benched by manager Fredi Gonzalez for failing to hustle on a play where he had booted the ball into the outfield. Here's what Ramirez said to the media following the game:

"It's his team. He can do whatever. There is nothing I can do about it. We got alot of people dogging it after ground balls. They don't apologize. That's ok. He doesn't understand that. He's never played in the big leagues."

If you like the way Rollins handled himself and you want to ensure that your child is prepared to respond to this kind of situation in a similar fashion, talk about the importance of developing 4 key relationships:

RELATIONSHIP TO TEAM
- The team is top priority - the framework for all decisions
- The team is everyone's responsibility

RELATIONSHIP TO TEAMMATES
- Deal with the essentials (things that are important).
- Tolerate the non-essentials (personality conflicts).

RELATIONSHIP TO COACH
- Fulfill a role as defined by the coach and trust that the coach knows
what's best for the team.
- Communicate directly with the coach about any team-related issues.

RELATIONSHIP TO SELF
- Learn to persevere through adversity....demanding practices and dis-
appointing performances while striving for continual improvement.

As soon as your child begins playing on teams, emphasize that he is responsible for developing and maintaining these relationships. This emphasis on personal accountability allows for the values inherent to become INTRINSIC.

Working to help embed these concepts is far more important than rewarding accomplishments. Studley Dudley, middle school phenom, will eventually have to face that kid who used to be small and clueless, but now is stronger and ready to compete every day!

It's Not What You Sell, It's What You Stand For.......

.....is the title of a great business book written by Roy Spence, co founder of GSDM. The title occurred to me while reading about the resurgence of the Phoenix Suns. The Suns just swept the San Antonio Spurs, their long time nemesis to advance to the NBA Western Conference Finals. In an interview with Jonathan Abrams of the NY Times today, Grant Hill and Steve Nash talk about how team togetherness enabled the team to finally get over the hump and overcome the Spurs after being knocked out of the playoffs by them five times since 1997.

When Hill first entered the league, he sensed that "team commitment and unity was not quite the same on the professional level." Eventually by watching certain teams like the Spurs flourish, he became convinced that team unity could make a difference in the NBA. According to both Hill and Nash, the Suns improved dramatically this season in large part because they became a close knit unit. "We're not the most talented team, said Nash, but we believe in each other."

Abrams hit the nail on the head when he commented that "while NBA teams with subpar chemistry and star athletes can succeed, good chemistry can probably pole vault other clubs to greater heights." Most of the top teams in the NBA have a superstar, but to actually win the title everyone, including the superstar, must buy into the importance of fulfilling a role for the team.

What should kids and parents take away from this post? Well simply that certain pro franchises are first and foremost about "what they sell" and others prioritize "what they stand for"......winning. And while it's fine to be entertained by the Cowboys and Mavericks, hopefu;lly kids are being encouraged to emulate the team ethic displayed by teams like the Suns.

A Message For Those Of You Who Are Not Parents Of The Next Michael Oher

I really enjoyed reading an article by Lorraine Duffy Merkel "Mother Becomes A Devoted Team Parent" in yesterday's NY Times. Merkel writes about her experiences raising her son Luke in the world of youth sports. She rejects the notion of sports moms, "parodied on television wearing flippy hair and unflattering jeans, or else portrayed as alpha women who phone the coach on the field, as in "The Blind Side." She says that, "they bear little resemblance to the ones I know, and especially the sports mom I have become."

I think that Merkel is right on target. The majority of parents that I have dealt with do not fit the Business Plan Dad (or Mom) template, advocating goal setting for prepubescent phenoms. They just want their children to have a chance to play. I agree with Merkel's description of the typical sports parent. "We stand on the sideline or sit on hard bleachers, in all kinds of weather, to watch them play, she said. We also witness fickle crowds go from cheering, high fiving and sharing in our children's victories to scoffing, judging, and ridiculing because they are disappointed when our offspring fall short of exectations."

In that last sentence, Merkel is expressing the angst felt by so many parents. I can remember sitting in the stands experiencing the same roller coaster of emotions that she describes. Starting with T-Ball both of my boys did the rec and select thing for years. And when your own flesh and blood is out there on the court, your perspective inevitably becomes distorted. Yes some Dad is coaching my son's team. He is trying to coach this group of 12 year olds as if they were adults. Practices are devoted to getting ready for games vs development. It looks silly and at times can be over the top, but you know what.......my son loves to play and he's having a blast with his buddies! After a loss the parents are stewing and the coach is fired up to meet with the team to break things down. But the kids have already moved on. They'll pay attention because they are wired to please adults at that age. But they're really only thinking about two things......where are we going to eat and when can we go to the hotel pool?

Lorraine Duffy Merkel had no background (and little interest) in athletics until her son Luke began playing sports. I was obsessed with sports growing up and eventually became a college coach. Advantage Coach Moore? No because kids sports is about having fun and putting in your best effort while displaying good sportsmanship, not about coaching 'em up. Speaking from experience I can tell you that an athlete's future success does not hinge on his performance playing select sports during childhood. And when he is developmentally prepared to get serious, he had better be fresh and eager to compete. But who knows if your mightymite will even want to play sports in high school. So right now enjoy watching him play, make new friends, and don't forget the bathing suits!!

Marry the Relentless Benchwarmer!

A friend of mine who has experience as a sports psychologist once made an interesting comment about athletes. He said that if his daughter had to marry an athlete, he would prefer that she select the determined guy sitting at the end of the bench over the star. Despite a lack of playing time,the "relentless benchwarmer" keeps working hard. My friend contends that perseverance demonstrated under these circumstances is a more accurate predictor of one's ability to handle adversity in adulthood.

His message seems to imply that life lessons serve more of a purpose than accolades in the long view. As a young parent, it was difficult at times to have that perspective. It was so easy for me to get caught up in the moment. Now that my boys are older the truly lasting benefits derived from competing all those years are crystal clear. Struggling in an effort to excel is a gift that keeps on giving......whether you achieve all of your goals or not!