Happy Father's Day!

I have attached a link to a great article from this morning's New York Times,"Still a Fan, Just With a Shorter Favorite Player" by Christopher Harder about how he learned to balance two of his passions.....a love for soccer and quality time with his young son. His story provides yet another example of the thin line that all Dads walk between unconditional love and letting go.

Harder's life changed with the birth of his son Nicholas. His priorities were altered dramatically. Travelling to Germany to cover the 2006 World Cup with an 11 month old was not a prudent family decision. Playing in adult pickup soccer games became a rare occurrence. "Joining the fatherhood league felt like joining a new team in a new country where everyone spoke another language," he lamented.

But instead of trying to find more time for soccer outside of his home environment, Harder decided to share his love for the game with his son. "I bought us each a new soccer ball. I practiced the beautiful game with him and I practiced being a father," he said. Nicholas's ball was underinflated to make it easier for him to control. Eventually Harder invented games in the driveway that his toddler could play with him. At age 4 he signed Nicholas up for a weekly soccer class in part to encourage a "shy Nicholas to socialize."

Nicholas displayed a case of nerves on the way to his first class. "As I drove him to the park, Harder said, I talked up the class - in vain." When they arrived at practice, he did not force Nicholas to jump right into the action. He hugged his Dad "like a goalkeeper hugging a goalpost." After some nudging he "thought the better of it" and pulled back. After about 10 minutes, Nicholas joined the class. Harder stayed around to keep an eye on his 4 year old, but remained in the background to give Nicholas his space.

At this moment Harder began to think ahead to a time when Nicholas would "choose to create his own space between us, and how as he gains independence from us, I'll miss his company tremendously." On one rainy day Nicholas left the field to get a raincoat. As he slipped it on, Harder made a positive comment about his dribbling. "I thought he would stay by my side, Harder recounted, but he ran back onto the wet field, ready to play again. He likes to play in the rain. He's got what it takes to be a soccer player."

At this moment Harder demonstrated an awareness that escapes many young parents (including yours truly 21 years ago!). He understands how important it will be for his son to one day become his own person. He is watching the World Cup at home again this summer with Nicholas and can now "focus on the soccer field instead of Nicholas's every step." During the games he tells him "about the artistry of Spain and Brazil and the magic of Xavi and Kaka." He also tries to juggle his World Cup replica ball. "I flick it into the air and I routinely drop it, he says. But I always aim to keep my balance........as I step in and step back."

Now that's unconditional love! Happy Father's Day to all the Dads out there!

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/20/sports/soccer/20cheer.html?scp=1&sq=Still%20A%20Fan,%20Just%20With%20A%20Shorter%20Favorite%20Player&st=cse

You Don't Have To "Like" The Coach

What John Wooden's former players remember most about their experience playing for him are the life lessons he taught them. Many of these players have stated that they had no idea what they had learned until several years after leaving UCLA. In the long run, the values that Coach Wooden imparted were more impactful than what they had learned about basketball. One of the most enlightening tales being recounted this week, comes from a former benchwarmer.

In an article from today's NY Times, "Championship Legacy Distinguishes Wooden But Doesn't Define Him", former Bruin Andy Hill, talks to Billy Witz about his experience as a reserve on the 1970-1972 UCLA teams. "For nearly 25 years after he graduated from UCLA Hill did not think much of these lessons - or of Wooden. He had become the President of CBS Productions, but he looked back on his playing days mostly with resentment. Hill starred on the freshman team at UCLA, sharing the team's Most Valuable Player award with Henry Bibby. But in three years on the varsity he rarely played. Then one day on the golf course, Hill's playing partner told him he was rushing his swing. It reminded him of one of Wooden's pet phrases - be quick, but don't hurry - and as he began to consider all of the other principles he had carried from Wooden, he picked up the phone to call him and say thanks." Hill later wrote a book titled "Be Quick - But Don't Hurry!" about the lessons he learned playing under Coach Wooden.

In today's sports world, coaches are too often viewed as client service providers. A parent once told me that she and her son did not like the coach of his team. His team although young and undersized had improved tremendously, beating teams in the league tournament that had handled them easily during the regular season. The coach had conducted very demanding practices, but he was not abusive. I could see how people might think he was a bit rough around the edges. He was young, bright, and full of enthusiasm, but at least at this stage of his career, he is definately not a charmer. But his team had overachieved and played very hard.....together!

Instead of focussing on what a coach can offer your adolescent child in "his" quest for a spot on the varsity, consider reinforcing the concepts of effort and teamwork. The players on our Final Four and National Championship teams at Texas did not fully understand at the time the kind of impact all of the hard work (and hard times!) they experienced would have on their lives. I certainly didn't. While working toward those accomplisments there were very few instances when we all held hands and sang kumbaya! But we all sensed that we were persevering to achieve something special. As the years pass by, it becomes more clear that the specialness extends well beyond the trophy!