They Must Learn to Fight Their Own Battles

Once a Dad said to me: "Kids today are growing up in a world of instant gratification. I'm going to make sure that my daughter understands the value of hard work." My first thought was that this guy gets it. But then the words "make sure" raised a red flag. Sure enough as the discussion unfolded my worst fears were realized. He was going to "make sure" his daughter worked hard......while pursuing HIS goals for her. She was 8 years old! He had created what amounted to a business plan devised to attract athletic scholarship offers ten years down the road! The path would be created for her by securing the services of private coaches and personal trainers and through placement on "select" teams that best suited her development.

This trend now extends well beyond the elementary and middle school years. Dr. Patricia Somers, an Associate Professor in UT'S College of Education has conducted extensive research on the topic. She talks about "consumer advocate parents who view each phase of the college experience as a business transaction and want the most bang for their buck. They push hard to get scholarships or other financial awards for their children and may expect what amounts to an assurance from the university that a degree in X will equal a job in Y, with a salary of Z. To keep tabs on their investment, they may expect staff and administration to overlook the Family Rights and Privacy Act and produce progress reports on demand. If any aspect of the negotiations or purchase proves unsatisfactory, they feel free to voice their ire and demand their money's worth.

This type of parenting behavior prevents children from developing skills needed to take control of their own lives. Tom Dingman, Dean of Freshmen at Harvard, reports that it is as if parents are saying 'When I can be available to you, I'm going to make all things happen for you.' "There is no recognition, he says, that by stepping up to clear the path, they're actually handicapping their sons and daughters, making them unaware that they actually have the capacities to do things themselves."

Fortunately most parents of young children do not subscribe to the business model template to raise their children. The majority of young parents that I have dealt with are simply anxious. Gone are the days when children played sports with each other until they were old enough to play for their school......usually in the 7th or 8th grade. Now their world is almost entirely organized by adults. The menu of "select" sports offerings is daunting. Anxiety comes from the pressure that parents feel to ensure that their children keep up with (or stay ahead of) their peers. It's not about the kids. It's about competition between parents and I'm convinced that most parents do not realize they're caught up in it.

Having been through the whole process with our two boys....from t-ball to college....I understand what parents today are facing. It is not easy to resist the temptation to jump in and provide structure. I would advise all parents of young children to focus on 2 things:

1. Reward their effort and hustle. Looking ahead, this matters way more than what's in the scorebook.

2. Enjoy them while they are still squirrels. The wonderful cluelessness does not last!

Observing these 2 tenets can prevent you from becoming Business Plan Dad......and empower your children to learn to fight their own battles.

I Played Therefore I Can Coach

One of the great myths perpetuated by fans and the media is that any athlete coming off of a stellar playing career can automatically become a great coach. There is no question that a person's experience as an athlete can be hugely advantageous. However, if this is the main prerequisite, why is it that so many highly successful coaches come from less than stellar playing backgrounds......if they played at all! Only seven of the NCAA Sweet Sixteen coaches played DI basketball. Two of them did not make their HIGH SCHOOL varsity! This trend is also evident in pro sports. Only one coach of a 2009 NFL Playoff team......Ken Wisenhunt of the Arizona Cardinals.....played in the NFL. Bill Belichick, considered by many to be the pre-eminent coach in the league barely started for Wesleyan, a D3 school!

Coaching, particularly at the higher levels is an art that must be developed over many years. Any head coach who expects to build a successful program at the high school, college, or professional levels must possess two crucial qualities.....the ability to teach the game and a big picture mindset.

Most great athletes can share truly inspirational stories about their experiences. They can also show you how it's done. But showing and teaching are two entirely different animals. Teaching the game involves things like sequencing, using key cues, and knowing when to isolate a skill vs working on it in context.....all while trying to push the right buttons to get the most out of each player!

Successful program builders also have a big picture mindset. Everything from talent evaluation to scheduling and dealing with outside factors (parents, the media, other coaches)must emanate from the head coach's philosophy. A mastery of the X's and O's is not enough which is why Mack Brown and Nick Saban are successful and Charley Weis is an assistant again.

Imagine what "America's Team" could accomplish if the owner, captain of the 1964 National Champion Arkansas Razorbacks,hired a coach who played at Wesleyan!

Will Your Child Have What It Takes?

Brian Zoubek arrived at Duke 4 years ago as one of the top basketball recruits in the nation. The same year Omar Samhan stepped on the St. Marys campus as one of the most unwanted recruits in the country. Initially, both players struggled to make a positive contribution to their teams. Whether you are the parent of a middle school legend or....more likely....a child who hasn't quite put it all together yet, you can learn from their stories.

The 6'11" Zoubek arrived at Duke on a wave of high expectations. It was easy to envision him playing at the next level. Samhan, also 6'11", arrived at St. Marys overweight and underdeveloped. Big men are scarce which may have been the only reason that he was recruited at all. Omar predicted that he would some day play in the NBA and was laughed at!

Their life stories had stood in dark contrast, but now they were confronted with the same reality.....it seems like everybody's big, strong, and talented. What do I do now! Zoubek's high school coach, Paul Wiedeman, was never worried about how his former player would respond. "A lot of kids would pout and blame others and then leave, he said. His values what he believes in, it all comes out when you are faced with difficult things." Dogged by injuries, Zoubek persevered and today is a key contributor for Duke's NCAA title contending squad.

Omar Samhan was not in a position to blame anyone for his plight. He had to sit out his first year and was so out of shape during his sophomore year that he would sometimes purposely foul so he could rest! His choice was simple.....get to work or gradually disappear. He chose the more difficult path and committed himself to becoming better. On Saturday in St. Mary's second round victory over Villanova, Samhan completely dominated a team full of former "blue chip" recruits. In a NY Times interview he explained how he had transformed himself. "There are very few people who are willing to work hard enough to be good, he said. The people who are willing to do what it takes to change that from good to great is such a small number. I want to be one of those!" St. Mary's coach Randy Bennett's comment on Omar's transformation: "He lets you coach him. Not all guys let that happen, they're pouty or don't handle it right. But he wants to be coached. These kids today can jump 40 inches in the air, but none of them know what it takes to have good footwork which is just to grind every day doing the same drills over and over. Do the same up and under millions of times. Guys don't want to do that."

When surrounded by athletes as good or better, will your child pout or grind? More importantly on day #1 of job one, will he be capable of flying solo? Unfortunately today's youth sports culture is producing more pouters than grinders. The suffocating structure imposed on prepubescent kids often prevents them from ever developing the ability to spread their own wings. Often parents become ensnared in the trap of keeping up with their peers in the race to advance their child. Demonstrating restraint to allow children to fight through difficult times on their own is crucial to their development. A young person who always counts on Mom or Dad to jump in and save the day, will blame others for bumps in the road later in life. Brad McCoy said it best: "Prepare your child for the path, don't create the path for your child." And we all know how his son Colt competes!

"Player Coached Teams are Better than Coach Coached Teams"

Michigan State Head Basketball Coach Tom Izzo made this statement while reflecting on his 2000 NCAA Championship season during an interview on ESPN. Izzo is a no nonsense coach who wants his teams to play a certain way. He is tough, but he is also smart because he understands that to overachieve a team must become player driven. In a one-and-done scenario a group of players who need constant direction from the coach is usually beaten by opposing players who have taken over their team.

Knowing when and how much to loosen the reins on a team is a skill that takes years for a coach to develop. Failure to develop this skill causes many careers to plateau. Bright, ambitious young men and women who seem to possess all of the tools for coaching greatness enjoy early success then suddenly hit a wall and wonder why. Their inability (or unwillingness) to let go derails their efforts to help good teams become great teams or to develop great teams into champions.

Tom Izzo's championship team was led by point guard Mateen Cleaves. By March of 2000,Cleaves and his teammates had survived months,in some cases years, of his demanding practices. Out of this cauldron came a team on a mission. The players were ready to take over. They were ready to fly under their own power and would not be denied. It was their team.........the ultimate coaching achievement!

Do You Compare or Compete?

Randy Snow, former Wheelchair Tennis World Champion, made this statement during a motivational talk that he delivered in 2000 to a group of athletes at UT. He was frustrated by a disturbing trend that he was seeing develop in young people.........a constant, almost obsessive need to know how they stack up against others. Randy's comment resonated with me. More than ever before recruiting had become a question of exactly how many times do I have to tell this kid (and more importantly his parents) how awesome he is? For a team to win an NCAA Championship, the athletes have to want it more than the coaches. It has become increasingly difficult for college coaches to find recruits who inspired them..........the drive to compete just oozing out of their pores!

I decided to develop a Competitive Personality Profile to help me evaluate prospects. I listed negative characteristics in the left column and the corresponding positive characteristics in the right column. I then constructed questions designed to help me determine whether a recruit was a "left sider" or a "right sider.". For instance, questions about experiences they had with their coaches while growing up provided me with insight into traits 1, 2, 6, 7, 8, and 9. In many cases their answers revealed attitudes and trends in behavior that were likely to be repeated in college.

A similar method of screening, called behavior-based interviewing (see Feb. 18th post), has become increasingly popular with corporations as an integral part of the hiring process. It has proven to be a more reliable predictor of future excellence than conventional screening protocols because it is more difficult to simply tell the interviewer what he or she wants to hear. Will our young students be prepared for this gauntlet? Will they be Left Siders or Right Siders? Will they be Comparors or Competitors?

How Will Your Child Respond?

Trinity is a member of the Austin Inter Parochial League (AIPL) a group of 18 independent middle schools from all over the Austin area. It is superbly well organized, offering hundreds of students opportunities to compete in a variety of sports throughout the school year. Our basketball teams just finished competing in 10 different season-ending AIPL tournaments, a sort of February Madness......which spilled into March because of a "snow" day.

I am very pleased with the improvement demonstrated by our young basketball players this season particularly in two important areas:

1. Learning what it truly means to play within the team concept.

2. Learning the fundamentals crucial to playing within the team concept.....man defense, moving without the ball, spacing, looking, and passing.

We have stressed these areas of development in our PE Sports units as well. They are skill sets that set the stage for future athletic development and yet they are some of the most ignored fundamentals in our how-do-I-get-my-child-ahead youth sports culture. Too many of our young athletes have spent a disproportionate amount of time focussing on individual skills like dribbling and shooting. When they reach a level.....usually HS JV, HS Varsity, or (for a select few) college.....where everyone around them is as good or better, they do cannot function within the team concept.

Personally, there is nothing more gratifying than watching our athletes execute together. The parents at Trinity generate lots of positive energy at games, spurring our athletes on to dive for loose balls, lockdown on defense, and share the ball on offense.......characteristics of a true competitor. Our kids are being taught seminal life lessons and everyone is part of the process!

Your Son Doesn't Have a Career.....He's 12!

As General Manager of the Lone Star Soccer Club, Tony Capasso had grown accustomed to working in a high pressure environment. He was used to dealing with prepubescent phenoms and their omnipresent handlers. One day though he became particularly agitated when a certain father continued to pressure him to put his son on a higher team. "This is critically important to my son's career!" he insisted. Tony lost his customary cool with a response that unveiled his true feelings about the situation: "Your son does not have a career........he's 12!!!"

I have thought about Tony's comment often while coaching the 5th and 6th grade AA Boys basketball team at Trinity this season. Recently, the team had what I considered to be one of its best practices of the year. The boys had maintained a high level of focus and attention to detail for the entire 1 hour and 20 minutes! As we huddled at the end of practice, I was pumped........and they were too! As we brought our fists together I looked at them intently and asked, "OK, what's it going to be?" Of course I was anticipating that they would want to end this particularly inspiring practice session with a cheer of "team!" or "defense!" or "hard work!" Instead they looked up almost in unison and said, "Coach, can we say happy birthday Isaac?" I was momentarily stunned then broke into a smile and said, "Absolutely!"

I'm not sure that I would have reacted that way at the beginning of the season. It's been a long time since I last coached this age. As a coach it is crucial for me to understand how 11 and 12 year olds think. Deep down what they play for is a love of the game..........then it's on to the birthday party!

Where Have The Competitors Gone?

In an era of political correctness, Rick Barnes is a throwback. Instead of engaging in coachspeak or carefully crafted soundbites, he tells it like it is. Like so many other coaches and teachers working with college students today, he is dealing with entitled kids who have been told how great they are their whole lives. Asked how J'Covan Brown could restore himself to a more prominent role after sitting out much of the Texas Tech game on Monday night, Barnes said: "One word: consistency in all areas of the game. That's what we've looked for all year. People wonder why we go back and forth. It's consistency. It's preparation. It's the details. It's accountability. He knows what we need from him. He needs to prepare every day, not just when it's convenient."

Monday's speaker, Corey Ciochetti expressed similar dismay about how so many of his students at Denver University avoid any endeavor that might take perseverence. "They do not want to compete!", he says. Dr. Patricia Somers, a professor in UT's College of Education, voices the same concern about UT students. "If you're scratching your head at this point and wondering how a 22 year old who's not able to address her setbacks, disappointments, goals, and progress at the university level is ever going to adjust to a complex job situation and an independent adult life then you've been paying attention."

The same problem exists in college athletics today. Self motivated, tough minded young athletes are still out there, but it has become increasingly difficult for college coaches to find them. Kids do not want to deal with adversity. They are constantly looking to others for direction and, without it, they're lost. One UT coach calls them "robokids." Often the challenge in college recruiting is trying to determine which entitled recruit will be willing to adjust and respond when they are faced with others of equal ability in practice every day..........not just when it's covenient.

Its All About Marketing

On Monday morning Corey Ciocchetti, a Denver University professor and motivational speaker delivered an impassioned speech to Trinity parents and 8th graders. He stressed the importance of striving for authentic success......a life filled with genuine contentment, strong personal relationships, and a solid character. His definition of character, "doing good things for other people when no one is looking," is a refreshing perspective at a time when it seems like so many people are focussed on branding themselves. I thought that branding was done to sell cars, cereal, software and other things........not people!

This is a distressing trend. Too often it is not about what a person truly believes in........it's about creating a perception that leads to a favorable impression. Legendary coach John Wooden once said "be more concerned about your character than your reputation because your character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what people think you are." This line of thinking seems almost quaint today's world where marketing rules!

In future posts I will share my views on how marketing has destroyed youth sports.

What Trained Eyes See

In November of 2007 my son Andy's prep school team, Northfield Mount Hermon, played in the National Prep Showcase in Lowell, Massachusetts. Some of the top recruits in the country performed in the tournament before dozens of college recruiters. John Caliperi made the trip to get face time with his future star Tyreke Evans who played for American Christian, a school that ceased to exist after he "graduated."

Andy played particularly well in one of the tournament games. I was excited when a certain college coach called me to express interest in him. I had my "dad hat" on so I was expecting to hear him comment on the 3's that Andy had made. Instead he said: " I like the way that he advances the ball and feeds the post. He makes good decisions." I was dazed by recruiting hype. This coach was looking for talented players who understood the game and could play within the team concept.

This story came back to me as I watched one of our Trinity boys perform recently. His game was not flashy, but the way he played made his teammates better. In the space of one 6 minute quarter I saw him pitch the ball ahead to a teammate for an easy lay up, thread a bounce pass to a teammate in the short corner, loft a pass into the post from the top of the key, replace the wing so that he could enter the post from the wing position, and dribble penetrate into a gap in the defense before kicking a pass back out to a teammate. His head was always up, his eyes scanning the court looking for open teammates. Sometimes he made a pass that led to the pass to an open teammate. It was a treat to witness!

Sometimes we get so caught up oogling at athletic plays that we miss elements of the game which are absolutely crucial to the success of the team. This was just one example of outstanding team play that all 10 of our basketball teams have exhibited this season. And it's not over yet! We're in the middle of tournament week. Go Tornado!

Will They Be Ready?

At UT I designed a Competitive Personality Profile as a basis for developing questions to ask recruits. A growing number of employers are using similar methods of behavior-based interviewing to screen job candidates. The premise behind this type of interviewing is that the most accurate predictor of future performance is past performance in similar situations. In a traditional job interview, the candidate can get away with telling the interviewer what he or she wants to hear. In a behavioral interview, any story that is not totally honest will fail to hold up under a seige of probing questions designed to get at specific behaviors.

In an interview with the New York Times, Accenture CEO William Green, described how his company uses this method of screening candidates. "Essentially what we're looking for is, have you faced any adversity and what did you do about it? Have you shown intuition? Have you shown the ability to synthesize and act? Have you shown the ability to step up and make a choice? Have you dealt with the hand in front of you and played it out?" He told a story about hiring a college graduate who had worked most of the time that he was not attending classes over others who brought with them the usual padded portfolios. " I mean you sacrifice and you're a victim or you sacrifice because it's the right thing to do and have pride in it. Simple thing. Huge difference."

As an educator it helps me to focus on the qualities that our students will need to thrive in their first job. Most of them will be fortunate enough to receive ample outside support with test prep, resume building, and key contacts to gain admission to an outstanding secondary school and a prestigious college. The same network can be used to land a plum job after college. At this point the moment of truth arrives. The advantage of an external support system disappears. Does our former student possess the character traits necessary to compete?

Important life lessons can be learned through athletics that complement what students are learning in the classroom. In a world where increasingly the only constant is exponential change, qualities like adaptability, resilience, and collaboration are crucial to success in the workplace. Middle School students are at a sensitive age for developing these characteristics. In athletics and in physical education classes at Trinity, we conduct frequent discussions revolving around our 3 pillars.....Respect, Teamwork, and Perseverence. We also work to cultivate four key relationships: player to school, player to team, player to coach, and player to self. If we want our students to charge into the world hungry to take on challenges, they will have to be equipped with a strong sense of self and the ability to collaborate with others. The Uncomfort Zone awaits them. Will it be viewed as a land of opportunity?

When Perception IS Reality!

So many professional athletes seem absorbed in branding (or incorporating!) themselves. With native West Austinite Drew Brees, what you see is what you get. I hope kids are taking it in!