Youth Sports Sanity

An Enduring Brand

2010-08-15T13:12:00.001-05:00

Pete Thamel's article about Kevin Durant in today's New York Times should be required reading for every young athlete in America. When I was the Athletics Director at Trinity Episcopal School, we had three words emblazoned on the wall in the Trinity Center for Arts and Athletics (right under the scoreboard): RESPECT, TEAMWORK, PERSEVERANCE. These words serve as Pillars that educators can "teach to" every day with quotes, stories, probing questions, and by the way they conduct a class or practice. Kevin Durant lives by these three words. Thamel's article reveals this with real life examples:

RESPECT
. "Durant treated the equipment manager and the trainer in Oklahoma City with the same kindness and consideration that he treated the coaching staff and front office."
. As a member of the USA Basketball team he defers to older players like Chauncey Billups and Lamar Odom. "There's a lot of guys on this floor who know more than me," he said. "They can help me a lot more than I can help the other guys."

TEAMWORK
. "While other elite NBA stars were making movies and taking vacations, he worked out every morning at 6:45am and cheered on the Thunder rookies and some future Developmental League Players."
. He refused to appear on the cover of a magazine at Texas unless his teammates were included.

PERSEVERANCE
. He worked out EVERY MORNING this summer.....without having to let the whole world know about it.

While other superstars strategize to build their brand, Durant LIVES HIS BRAND! Parents and coaches should take advantage of this golden opportunity to promote the actions of a mega superstar who actually walks the walk.

Durant Would Not Be King!

2010-07-08T16:31:00.000-05:00

While many of his peers were working every possible angle to remain in the center of media attention this week, Durant refused to talk about his contract negotiations with the Oklahoma City Thunder. Yesterday he made a long term commitment to his team by signing a 5 year extension with the Thunder. The contract does not include an early termination option which could have made him a free agent after the 4th year.

He announced the signing without fanfare via twitter and headed immediately to Orlando to visit the Thunder's summer league team. The league consists of young players, including some who will never play in the NBA. But Durant considers all of the players on the Oklahoma City squad his teammates. He wanted to be there to support them.

This young man understands what it takes to win. His words....and more importantly his actions....signal an intention to place the team, the organization, and the city ahead of his personal business. Like George Washington who put his country above personal glory, Kevin Durant refused to be King!

What a welcome role model for our kids!

Happy Father's Day!

2010-06-20T13:05:00.001-05:00

I have attached a link to a great article from this morning's New York Times,"Still a Fan, Just With a Shorter Favorite Player" by Christopher Harder about how he learned to balance two of his passions.....a love for soccer and quality time with his young son. His story provides yet another example of the thin line that all Dads walk between unconditional love and letting go.

Harder's life changed with the birth of his son Nicholas. His priorities were altered dramatically. Travelling to Germany to cover the 2006 World Cup with an 11 month old was not a prudent family decision. Playing in adult pickup soccer games became a rare occurrence. "Joining the fatherhood league felt like joining a new team in a new country where everyone spoke another language," he lamented.

But instead of trying to find more time for soccer outside of his home environment, Harder decided to share his love for the game with his son. "I bought us each a new soccer ball. I practiced the beautiful game with him and I practiced being a father," he said. Nicholas's ball was underinflated to make it easier for him to control. Eventually Harder invented games in the driveway that his toddler could play with him. At age 4 he signed Nicholas up for a weekly soccer class in part to encourage a "shy Nicholas to socialize."

Nicholas displayed a case of nerves on the way to his first class. "As I drove him to the park, Harder said, I talked up the class - in vain." When they arrived at practice, he did not force Nicholas to jump right into the action. He hugged his Dad "like a goalkeeper hugging a goalpost." After some nudging he "thought the better of it" and pulled back. After about 10 minutes, Nicholas joined the class. Harder stayed around to keep an eye on his 4 year old, but remained in the background to give Nicholas his space.

At this moment Harder began to think ahead to a time when Nicholas would "choose to create his own space between us, and how as he gains independence from us, I'll miss his company tremendously." On one rainy day Nicholas left the field to get a raincoat. As he slipped it on, Harder made a positive comment about his dribbling. "I thought he would stay by my side, Harder recounted, but he ran back onto the wet field, ready to play again. He likes to play in the rain. He's got what it takes to be a soccer player."

At this moment Harder demonstrated an awareness that escapes many young parents (including yours truly 21 years ago!). He understands how important it will be for his son to one day become his own person. He is watching the World Cup at home again this summer with Nicholas and can now "focus on the soccer field instead of Nicholas's every step." During the games he tells him "about the artistry of Spain and Brazil and the magic of Xavi and Kaka." He also tries to juggle his World Cup replica ball. "I flick it into the air and I routinely drop it, he says. But I always aim to keep my balance........as I step in and step back."

Now that's unconditional love! Happy Father's Day to all the Dads out there!

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/20/sports/soccer/20cheer.html?scp=1&sq=Still%20A%20Fan,%20Just%20With%20A%20Shorter%20Favorite%20Player&st=cse

You Don't Have To "Like" The Coach

2010-06-07T12:25:00.000-05:00

What John Wooden's former players remember most about their experience playing for him are the life lessons he taught them. Many of these players have stated that they had no idea what they had learned until several years after leaving UCLA. In the long run, the values that Coach Wooden imparted were more impactful than what they had learned about basketball. One of the most enlightening tales being recounted this week, comes from a former benchwarmer.

In an article from today's NY Times, "Championship Legacy Distinguishes Wooden But Doesn't Define Him", former Bruin Andy Hill, talks to Billy Witz about his experience as a reserve on the 1970-1972 UCLA teams. "For nearly 25 years after he graduated from UCLA Hill did not think much of these lessons - or of Wooden. He had become the President of CBS Productions, but he looked back on his playing days mostly with resentment. Hill starred on the freshman team at UCLA, sharing the team's Most Valuable Player award with Henry Bibby. But in three years on the varsity he rarely played. Then one day on the golf course, Hill's playing partner told him he was rushing his swing. It reminded him of one of Wooden's pet phrases - be quick, but don't hurry - and as he began to consider all of the other principles he had carried from Wooden, he picked up the phone to call him and say thanks." Hill later wrote a book titled "Be Quick - But Don't Hurry!" about the lessons he learned playing under Coach Wooden.

In today's sports world, coaches are too often viewed as client service providers. A parent once told me that she and her son did not like the coach of his team. His team although young and undersized had improved tremendously, beating teams in the league tournament that had handled them easily during the regular season. The coach had conducted very demanding practices, but he was not abusive. I could see how people might think he was a bit rough around the edges. He was young, bright, and full of enthusiasm, but at least at this stage of his career, he is definately not a charmer. But his team had overachieved and played very hard.....together!

Instead of focussing on what a coach can offer your adolescent child in "his" quest for a spot on the varsity, consider reinforcing the concepts of effort and teamwork. The players on our Final Four and National Championship teams at Texas did not fully understand at the time the kind of impact all of the hard work (and hard times!) they experienced would have on their lives. I certainly didn't. While working toward those accomplisments there were very few instances when we all held hands and sang kumbaya! But we all sensed that we were persevering to achieve something special. As the years pass by, it becomes more clear that the specialness extends well beyond the trophy!

No One Is Too Big To Fail

2010-05-24T18:38:00.000-05:00

The story of Abraham Lincoln's life....overcoming adversity at seemingly every turn of his life.....may be familiar to many people. But some of the other stories of high profile individuals featured on this short youtube clip might surprise you. All of them persevered through failure and rejection to achieve excellence. How would they fare if raised in today's PR crafted, celebrity-obsessed, failure-is-not-an-option culture?

How does this relate to youth sports? Well because it's important for children to be allowed to mess up. Research has shown that the profile of the child most likely to struggle in adulthood is the Big Man On Campus because he never faces adversity......until it's too late. As a parent I wanted my boys to experience failure. Too many parents want their kids to be viewed as successful at all times. If they are allowed to fail, they will fall behind their peers. "What's going to happen to my boy if he's not keeping up with Johnny?!"

The problem with this line of thinking is two fold. It's not practical because projecting future success based on how you rate as a 14 year old is impossible. More importantly children who feel that they HAVE TO BE SUCCESSFUL stop striving. Instead of constantly seeking to improve, they feel pressure to settle for a favorable perception. This is why so many athletes get to college and stop working. In their minds they've arrived!

As Bill Gates once said "It's fine to celebrate success, but it's more important to heed the lessons of failure." When your child stumbles, let him get up on his own. Restrain yourself now so that your child will hold up later......when it really counts. The bailout craze does not apply to parenting!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6hz_s2XIAU

Hmmm....Which One Would You Rather Coach?

2010-05-20T21:31:00.002-05:00

Will your child be prepared when he gets to a level where the competition is real (all of his peers are as good or better than he is) and his coach calls him out? How will he respond? Here is how two different professional baseball players responded following confrontations with their managers.

During a game in 2008 Jimmy Rollins, star shortstop for the Philadelphia Phillies, was benched by manager Charlie Manual for failing to hustle. Here's what Rollins said to the media after the game:

"He (Manager Charlie Manual) has two rules:be on time and hustle; and I broke one of them. I know better. Sometimes the manager gets you. I have to go out there and make sure I don't do it again. It's something you learn from."

In a recent game Hanley Ramirez, star shortstop for the Florida Marlins,was benched by manager Fredi Gonzalez for failing to hustle on a play where he had booted the ball into the outfield. Here's what Ramirez said to the media following the game:

"It's his team. He can do whatever. There is nothing I can do about it. We got alot of people dogging it after ground balls. They don't apologize. That's ok. He doesn't understand that. He's never played in the big leagues."

If you like the way Rollins handled himself and you want to ensure that your child is prepared to respond to this kind of situation in a similar fashion, talk about the importance of developing 4 key relationships:

RELATIONSHIP TO TEAM
- The team is top priority - the framework for all decisions
- The team is everyone's responsibility

RELATIONSHIP TO TEAMMATES
- Deal with the essentials (things that are important).
- Tolerate the non-essentials (personality conflicts).

RELATIONSHIP TO COACH
- Fulfill a role as defined by the coach and trust that the coach knows
what's best for the team.
- Communicate directly with the coach about any team-related issues.

RELATIONSHIP TO SELF
- Learn to persevere through adversity....demanding practices and dis-
appointing performances while striving for continual improvement.

As soon as your child begins playing on teams, emphasize that he is responsible for developing and maintaining these relationships. This emphasis on personal accountability allows for the values inherent to become INTRINSIC.

Working to help embed these concepts is far more important than rewarding accomplishments. Studley Dudley, middle school phenom, will eventually have to face that kid who used to be small and clueless, but now is stronger and ready to compete every day!

It's Not What You Sell, It's What You Stand For.......

2010-05-11T15:01:00.000-05:00

.....is the title of a great business book written by Roy Spence, co founder of GSDM. The title occurred to me while reading about the resurgence of the Phoenix Suns. The Suns just swept the San Antonio Spurs, their long time nemesis to advance to the NBA Western Conference Finals. In an interview with Jonathan Abrams of the NY Times today, Grant Hill and Steve Nash talk about how team togetherness enabled the team to finally get over the hump and overcome the Spurs after being knocked out of the playoffs by them five times since 1997.

When Hill first entered the league, he sensed that "team commitment and unity was not quite the same on the professional level." Eventually by watching certain teams like the Spurs flourish, he became convinced that team unity could make a difference in the NBA. According to both Hill and Nash, the Suns improved dramatically this season in large part because they became a close knit unit. "We're not the most talented team, said Nash, but we believe in each other."

Abrams hit the nail on the head when he commented that "while NBA teams with subpar chemistry and star athletes can succeed, good chemistry can probably pole vault other clubs to greater heights." Most of the top teams in the NBA have a superstar, but to actually win the title everyone, including the superstar, must buy into the importance of fulfilling a role for the team.

What should kids and parents take away from this post? Well simply that certain pro franchises are first and foremost about "what they sell" and others prioritize "what they stand for"......winning. And while it's fine to be entertained by the Cowboys and Mavericks, hopefu;lly kids are being encouraged to emulate the team ethic displayed by teams like the Suns.

A Message For Those Of You Who Are Not Parents Of The Next Michael Oher

2010-05-10T12:54:00.000-05:00

I really enjoyed reading an article by Lorraine Duffy Merkel "Mother Becomes A Devoted Team Parent" in yesterday's NY Times. Merkel writes about her experiences raising her son Luke in the world of youth sports. She rejects the notion of sports moms, "parodied on television wearing flippy hair and unflattering jeans, or else portrayed as alpha women who phone the coach on the field, as in "The Blind Side." She says that, "they bear little resemblance to the ones I know, and especially the sports mom I have become."

I think that Merkel is right on target. The majority of parents that I have dealt with do not fit the Business Plan Dad (or Mom) template, advocating goal setting for prepubescent phenoms. They just want their children to have a chance to play. I agree with Merkel's description of the typical sports parent. "We stand on the sideline or sit on hard bleachers, in all kinds of weather, to watch them play, she said. We also witness fickle crowds go from cheering, high fiving and sharing in our children's victories to scoffing, judging, and ridiculing because they are disappointed when our offspring fall short of exectations."

In that last sentence, Merkel is expressing the angst felt by so many parents. I can remember sitting in the stands experiencing the same roller coaster of emotions that she describes. Starting with T-Ball both of my boys did the rec and select thing for years. And when your own flesh and blood is out there on the court, your perspective inevitably becomes distorted. Yes some Dad is coaching my son's team. He is trying to coach this group of 12 year olds as if they were adults. Practices are devoted to getting ready for games vs development. It looks silly and at times can be over the top, but you know what.......my son loves to play and he's having a blast with his buddies! After a loss the parents are stewing and the coach is fired up to meet with the team to break things down. But the kids have already moved on. They'll pay attention because they are wired to please adults at that age. But they're really only thinking about two things......where are we going to eat and when can we go to the hotel pool?

Lorraine Duffy Merkel had no background (and little interest) in athletics until her son Luke began playing sports. I was obsessed with sports growing up and eventually became a college coach. Advantage Coach Moore? No because kids sports is about having fun and putting in your best effort while displaying good sportsmanship, not about coaching 'em up. Speaking from experience I can tell you that an athlete's future success does not hinge on his performance playing select sports during childhood. And when he is developmentally prepared to get serious, he had better be fresh and eager to compete. But who knows if your mightymite will even want to play sports in high school. So right now enjoy watching him play, make new friends, and don't forget the bathing suits!!

Marry the Relentless Benchwarmer!

2010-05-05T20:59:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine who has experience as a sports psychologist once made an interesting comment about athletes. He said that if his daughter had to marry an athlete, he would prefer that she select the determined guy sitting at the end of the bench over the star. Despite a lack of playing time,the "relentless benchwarmer" keeps working hard. My friend contends that perseverance demonstrated under these circumstances is a more accurate predictor of one's ability to handle adversity in adulthood.

His message seems to imply that life lessons serve more of a purpose than accolades in the long view. As a young parent, it was difficult at times to have that perspective. It was so easy for me to get caught up in the moment. Now that my boys are older the truly lasting benefits derived from competing all those years are crystal clear. Struggling in an effort to excel is a gift that keeps on giving......whether you achieve all of your goals or not!

Give Me A GOOD High Maintenance Player

2010-04-30T22:22:00.001-05:00

It's obvious that Manu Ginobli is a tough guy. He not only scores, but also does dirty work like diving for loose balls and closing out furiously on his man (which is a great way to gauge "want to" in a player!). In a recent USA Today article, it was pointed out that when Ginobli first came to the Spurs he and Gregg Popovich frequently clashed. Manu's creativity and risk taking did not sit well with the more conservative Popovich. They eventually worked it out. Popovich was able to convince him that on a diving-for-loose-balls scale of 1 to 10 he didn't "need as many 10's." But he also realized that he needed to let Ginobli take more chances than he would normally be comfortable with.

I used to love this kind of "good high maintenance" player. A coach should want to work with players who are stubborn, aggressive, and highly competitive. If you demonstrate how much you love these qualities, you will eventually sell them on the benefits of channeling their energies for optimum performance. This process can result in some very tense moments. But conflict is absolutely required to build a strong coach:player relationship. I preferred working with players who put pressure on me. Players who always wanted to please made me nervous!

The "coach pleaser" usually evolves into a "bad high maintenance" player. Instead of first looking inward when something goes wrong they immediately search for someone else to blame. They are uninspired, energy suckers. There is no conflict just a lot of handholding......and it's exhausting! If they are not constantly affirmed, they fall apart.

The ideal player:coach relationship begins with the PLAYER inspiring the coach. If the coach is expected to be the primary source of motivation, underachievement is inevitable. Give me good high maintenance any day!

Culture Of Winning

2010-04-20T09:33:00.001-05:00

In an interview with the New York Times, Bill Carter, co-founder of Fuse, a youth marketing agency, talks about lessons he learned early in his life while playing lacrosse. In both high school and college he was part of extremely successful programs. His high school team was the dominant program in the country. "I don't remember losing more than three games in all of high school, he says. I was in this culture of winning where all the coaches, the players, the kids in that school and the administrators expected us to win." He described his experience playing for legendary coach Hank Janczyk at Gettysburg College in much the same way.

During the interview Carter captured the essence of the most crucial lesson he learned during his playing days when he said that "every game was judged not only on whether we won or lost and what the score was, but on how we played." He now applies this concept to the way his firm evaluates their business pitches. "If we win, he said, I still evaluate the pitch and whether it was the best portrayal of who we are, or whether we won for some other reason. And when we lose new business pitches or don't do an exceptionally good job for a client in the client's eyes, I can still evaluate it based on factors other than the final result."

Carter's firm does well for the same reason that his lacrosse teams were successful. A laser like focus on excellence is the key to establishing a winning culture in any organization. The best coaches never let either wins or losses knock them off stride. They are constantly looking for ways to improve their team's performance. They are never satisfied!

I was convinced that Carter had been part of something special when he described the practices at Gettysburg as being "unbelievably competitive" every day. If every member of a team is willing to do battle each day in practice, special things are possible. When you listen to athletes from top programs discuss their college sports experiences, it takes awhile for any mention of trophy ceremonies to surface. Recently some of my former players at Texas were asked to share reflections from their years as Longhorns with the current team.

All of the former Longhorns were part of teams that had advanced to the Final Four or won a National Championship. Despite the fact that they represented three different teams, their messages were strikingly similar! The notion that "excellence was a way of life", as one player put it, was a recurring theme. The same player expressed (in all caps for emphasis) that the reason her team was so good was "BECAUSE WE PUSHED EACH OTHER EVERY DAY TO GET BETTER." They talked about struggling together, overcoming failure, not giving an inch, and being gritty to describe their mentality........in practice! And the only mention of a trophy was made by a player who took pride in the part HER TEAM played to set the stage for the NEXT TEAM to win a national championship!

That kind of athlete is a vanishing breed. Too many of today's youth lack the ability to focus on excellence day in and day out to achieve something special. They are not results ORIENTED, they are results OBSESSED. They have not been empowered to develop internal motivation because their systems have been overwhelmed by outside forces seeking to control them. It is crucial that parents reward their child's effort and competitive spirit particularly during the elementary and middle school years. A highly successful businessman and entrepeneur once told me parents need to understand that this period of a child's life "is not the big game." Instead of focussing on doing whatever it takes to "put them ahead of where they are", as one teacher puts it, parents should reinforce the qualities that their children will need when there is real competition.

Your child can max out on private lessons and participate on "select" teams every season, but in the long run the cream always rises to the top. The best athletes are going to play. Some will reach the promised land of college sports and most will not, but either way eventually they're all going to have to compete with the Bill Carters of the world!

Just Let 'Em Play......It Pays off!!

2010-04-15T18:12:00.003-05:00

Mark Hyman, author of "Until It Hurts: America's Obsession With Youth Sports and How It Harms Our Kids," recently wrote a column about an interesting experiment taking place in New York called Sandlot Day 2010.Tim Donovan, director of the Youth Sports Institute, came up with the idea. In January he began to promote it to youth leagues across the state encouraging them to create one day of baseball where the kids have completely control over every aspect of the organization. Donovan's goal is to convince 25 leagues in New York to participate this summer. "We're not the sports sheriff, he said. "We think organized baseball is great. But we think it's also good for kids to play home run derby, to have a passion and a sense of ownership about their sports."

This is a great idea and it's beginning to catch on in other places around the country in the form of weekly programs and summer camps at local Recreation Centers. Little League still provides a wonderful experience for kids. The problem is that nearly every other free moment of their lives is organized for them as well. Recollections from my childhood are dominated by memories of pick up basketball games at a neighbor's house and impromptu baseball games at the park. We chose our own teams, settled our own disputes, and often made up our own rules. The only time we heard from a parent was when one of us was late for dinner!

In today's world it is not always safe to let children run off and play in the park unsupervised. However, because kids rarely engage in free play without adults around, peer socialization has suffered. David Elkind, professor of child development at Tufts University, says that "One tangible result of the lack of socialization is the increase in bullying, teasing, and discrimination that we see in all too many of our schools." In the past children learned, as Elkind put it, "to settle their own quarrels, make and break their own rules, and to respect the rights of others. They learned that friends could be mean as well as kind, and that life was not always fair."

Parents are and always will be a child's most important teachers. Talking about and modeling good values along with establishing boundaries are the most crucial elements in a child's development. But children learn how to solve problems through interactions with peers. As Donovan says, "The lessons learned from choosing sides......negotiation, conflict, resolution.....they're the building blocks of civilization." Allowing children to take part in situations where they have to work things out enables them to develop a sense of self. Young people who have been subject to constant control and scrutiny by adults never have to learn how to take responsibility for their own actions.

My advice to parents is to worry less about making sure that your child is getting enough structure and be more concerned with creating a balance between organized events and unsupervised time. I am relieved that my boys grew up before "select" sports became so all consuming. They played on organized teams when they were young, but spent at least as much time up the street playing pick up games with kids in the neighborhood. Despite the lack of adult supervision and expertise, several high school stars and college athletes emerged from that group. More importantly they have become independent, self sufficient young adults.

Humility Breeds Self Confidence

2010-04-12T21:54:00.001-05:00

On April 9th David Brooks wrote an op-ed piece in the New York Times contrasting two different leadership styles that exist in today's corporate world. For me, the message derived from his column also resonates in a much more challenging arena......the parenting world.

Brooks describes his first class of leaders as "boardroom lions". He portrays them as "superconfident, forceful, and charismatic" always seeking "relentless transformational change." He goes on to say that "We can all point to successful leaders who display this kind of self-confidence", but contends that "charismatic C.E.O.'s often produce volatile company performances." According to Jim Collins, author of "Good to Great," boardroom lions fall prey to "seductions that mark failing organizations" such as "faith in perpetual restructuring" and "the belief that one magic move will change everything." They are in command and control mode at all times making confident projections to convey what Brooks calls, "the illusion of control."

Brooks' optimal leadership style is the 'humble hound' model. He again cites Collins' who discovered that many of the truly successful leaders combine "extreme personal humility with intense professional will." The humble hound is reflective and has "a bias for caution." While the boardroom lion relies heavily on the "illusion of control", the humble hound sees the world as "too complex and irregular to be known." Life is about "navigating uncertainty" with the belief that progress is made "through a series of regulated errors......every move a partial failure to be corrected by the next one."

The command and control mode may get results in the work world, but it is a recipe for disaster as a strategy for raising a child. Any control that a parent may have over a child in elementary school disappears forever beginning in the middle school years. One minute they are innocent, fun loving kids always seeking to please adults. Then, all of a sudden everything in their lives seems to revolve around their peers. The squirrels who were gleefully darting in and out of traffic oblivious to cars zipping by are now daring you to run over them! You can force structure on them to an extent, but any notion of actual control is an 'illusion.' They value what their parents say (even though they don't always show it), but they are on a mission to find themselves......and on a quest to someday spread their own wings.

It is impossible to predict the future for our children. Brooks' humble hound persona works well for parents when confronting this daunting reality. Like the humble hound,'humble parents' give into the notion that the world is "too complex and irregular to be known." This act of submission enables them to let go when it is in the best interests of their child. There is a big difference between helping children chart their own course and forcing "perpetual restructuring" on them. Often the best reaction to a problem a child is facing is no reaction at all. Restraint empowers children to work things out on their own. The process can be messy at times, but they'll never learn unless they are allowed to stumble and pick themselves back up. The children of 'humble parents' do not require magic moves because they have learned how to "navigate uncertainty" flying under their own power!

Character Counts!

2010-04-07T06:38:00.011-05:00

Like many of us, Brent Bell, former high school basketball coach and current Head of the Upper School at the Randolph School in Huntsville, Alabama was impressed with Butler's run during the NCAA Basketball tournament. He emailed members of Randolph's faculty and staff to share comments that "jumped off the screen" at him during the telecast of Monday night's championship game. One of Brent's observations regarding comments made by Butler coach Brad Stevens after the game was particularly compelling to me. During the postgame press conference Stevens very purposely stated:

"We are Butler and we are going to keep doing this the Butler way. We are going to keep recruiting the types of kids we recruit(kids who won in high school, kids who will play a role, kids who will compete all the time) and if we don't catch 'lightning in a bottle' and reach the championship game or win a national title so be it. We are who we are and we are proud of it."

How refeshing! In the program's most shining moment, the coach talks about the mission of Butler basketball! Instead of submitting to vacuous coachspeak to put the best spin on the loss, he stuck with the team's core values. In every interview that Stevens did during the tournament you got the feeling that when he looked into the camera and spoke, he meant what he said. He refused to get caught up in the perception-is-reality culture surrounding him.

What makes Stevens so believable is that his players actually LIVE OUT the program's mission. They had to "compete all the time" just to defend opposing teams stocked with bigger, more athletic players. The true measure of a competitor in any sport is a willingness to grind on defense. By the end of the tournament it seemed like every Butler player had been described as a great on ball defender! It also took a team of players who "will play a role" to stay in games with teams bringing high school all americans off the bench. Gordon Hayward, Butler's best player, proudly stated that "the ability of our team to say 'next person up' is special."

Steven's third point about recruiting "kids who won in high school" seems obvious, but it is not. So many basketball players are recruited based on their ability to fill stat sheets during summer tournaments. The AAU circuit is unabashedly about showcasing talent not winning. The Butler players competed like winners. They handled success and adversity the same way. When the other team made a run, they kept executing. When the Bulldogs got ahead, they played defense even harder to preserve the lead. There was never a sense of panic on the Butler bench.

In today's image-is-everything sports world where success is too often based on entertainment value and the buzz that accompanies it, the Butler basketball program is bucking the trend. In the same year that John Wooden is voted the greatest coach of all time in a poll conducted (ironically) by the ENTERTAINMENT Sports and Programming Network, Brad Stevens and his Bulldogs embody one of Coach Wooden's most famous admonitions: "Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are."

Why We Coach - Part I

2010-04-02T08:47:00.014-05:00

I recently received a text message from Chetan Panda, a member of my 9th grade and JV basketball teams at St. Stephens School, that made me reflect on what is really important about coaching young people. In his text he said: "all four teams that made the final four are good TEAMS." Chetan is in college now. His emphasis on the word team reinforced the notion that what athletes learn through their experiences on a team often stays with them long after their playing careers are over. As they get older (some of my former athletes are in their 50's!), values derived from being on a team become even more embedded in their approach to life.

Often coaches evaluate the impact they have on their athletes based strictly on the team's final record. If the team does not achieve a certain result, they have failed. Chetan and his teammates were not imposing talents. His team did not win a championship, but they did overachieve. As he and his teammates stepped onto the court for a game against Copperas Cove, a much larger school, a fan commented that they looked small. One of the St. Stephens Dads overheard the comment and quickly added, "and they're slow too!"

The boys defeated Copperas Cove by out-competing and out-executing them. This was possible because in practice they submitted themselves to what at times seemed like unreasonable demands from their coach and pushed each other relentlessly. Achieving excellence requires change and change is painful. As Michigan State basketball coach Tom Izzo said to the media this week: "If it doesn't hurt, if it isn't painful to go through a practice, you haven't done enough." Chetan and his teammates persevered through tough times together day after day. They truly bonded as a team and always put themselves in the best position to win. More importantly, the lessons that they have taken away from their experience together will benefit them even more as adults.

It is assumed by many that those of us who have had long coaching careers spend a lot of time thinking about all of our accomplishments. Trophies and awards are great, but the most rewarding aspect of my career has been watching athletes grow as people after they move on, knowing that I played some small part in their development. I cannot recall much about the trophy ceremonies that I was fortunate to be a part of. However, I can vividly recount displays of inspiring work ethic, competitive tension, and humor that give me goosebumps! And witnessing the values instilled during these moments come into full bloom later in life is truly a magical feeling!

They Must Learn to Fight Their Own Battles

2010-03-29T08:22:00.023-05:00

Once a Dad said to me: "Kids today are growing up in a world of instant gratification. I'm going to make sure that my daughter understands the value of hard work." My first thought was that this guy gets it. But then the words "make sure" raised a red flag. Sure enough as the discussion unfolded my worst fears were realized. He was going to "make sure" his daughter worked hard......while pursuing HIS goals for her. She was 8 years old! He had created what amounted to a business plan devised to attract athletic scholarship offers ten years down the road! The path would be created for her by securing the services of private coaches and personal trainers and through placement on "select" teams that best suited her development.

This trend now extends well beyond the elementary and middle school years. Dr. Patricia Somers, an Associate Professor in UT'S College of Education has conducted extensive research on the topic. She talks about "consumer advocate parents who view each phase of the college experience as a business transaction and want the most bang for their buck. They push hard to get scholarships or other financial awards for their children and may expect what amounts to an assurance from the university that a degree in X will equal a job in Y, with a salary of Z. To keep tabs on their investment, they may expect staff and administration to overlook the Family Rights and Privacy Act and produce progress reports on demand. If any aspect of the negotiations or purchase proves unsatisfactory, they feel free to voice their ire and demand their money's worth.

This type of parenting behavior prevents children from developing skills needed to take control of their own lives. Tom Dingman, Dean of Freshmen at Harvard, reports that it is as if parents are saying 'When I can be available to you, I'm going to make all things happen for you.' "There is no recognition, he says, that by stepping up to clear the path, they're actually handicapping their sons and daughters, making them unaware that they actually have the capacities to do things themselves."

Fortunately most parents of young children do not subscribe to the business model template to raise their children. The majority of young parents that I have dealt with are simply anxious. Gone are the days when children played sports with each other until they were old enough to play for their school......usually in the 7th or 8th grade. Now their world is almost entirely organized by adults. The menu of "select" sports offerings is daunting. Anxiety comes from the pressure that parents feel to ensure that their children keep up with (or stay ahead of) their peers. It's not about the kids. It's about competition between parents and I'm convinced that most parents do not realize they're caught up in it.

Having been through the whole process with our two boys....from t-ball to college....I understand what parents today are facing. It is not easy to resist the temptation to jump in and provide structure. I would advise all parents of young children to focus on 2 things:

1. Reward their effort and hustle. Looking ahead, this matters way more than what's in the scorebook.

2. Enjoy them while they are still squirrels. The wonderful cluelessness does not last!

Observing these 2 tenets can prevent you from becoming Business Plan Dad......and empower your children to learn to fight their own battles.

I Played Therefore I Can Coach

2010-03-25T11:38:00.010-05:00

One of the great myths perpetuated by fans and the media is that any athlete coming off of a stellar playing career can automatically become a great coach. There is no question that a person's experience as an athlete can be hugely advantageous. However, if this is the main prerequisite, why is it that so many highly successful coaches come from less than stellar playing backgrounds......if they played at all! Only seven of the NCAA Sweet Sixteen coaches played DI basketball. Two of them did not make their HIGH SCHOOL varsity! This trend is also evident in pro sports. Only one coach of a 2009 NFL Playoff team......Ken Wisenhunt of the Arizona Cardinals.....played in the NFL. Bill Belichick, considered by many to be the pre-eminent coach in the league barely started for Wesleyan, a D3 school!

Coaching, particularly at the higher levels is an art that must be developed over many years. Any head coach who expects to build a successful program at the high school, college, or professional levels must possess two crucial qualities.....the ability to teach the game and a big picture mindset.

Most great athletes can share truly inspirational stories about their experiences. They can also show you how it's done. But showing and teaching are two entirely different animals. Teaching the game involves things like sequencing, using key cues, and knowing when to isolate a skill vs working on it in context.....all while trying to push the right buttons to get the most out of each player!

Successful program builders also have a big picture mindset. Everything from talent evaluation to scheduling and dealing with outside factors (parents, the media, other coaches)must emanate from the head coach's philosophy. A mastery of the X's and O's is not enough which is why Mack Brown and Nick Saban are successful and Charley Weis is an assistant again.

Imagine what "America's Team" could accomplish if the owner, captain of the 1964 National Champion Arkansas Razorbacks,hired a coach who played at Wesleyan!

Will Your Child Have What It Takes?

2010-03-23T08:57:00.010-05:00

Brian Zoubek arrived at Duke 4 years ago as one of the top basketball recruits in the nation. The same year Omar Samhan stepped on the St. Marys campus as one of the most unwanted recruits in the country. Initially, both players struggled to make a positive contribution to their teams. Whether you are the parent of a middle school legend or....more likely....a child who hasn't quite put it all together yet, you can learn from their stories.

The 6'11" Zoubek arrived at Duke on a wave of high expectations. It was easy to envision him playing at the next level. Samhan, also 6'11", arrived at St. Marys overweight and underdeveloped. Big men are scarce which may have been the only reason that he was recruited at all. Omar predicted that he would some day play in the NBA and was laughed at!

Their life stories had stood in dark contrast, but now they were confronted with the same reality.....it seems like everybody's big, strong, and talented. What do I do now! Zoubek's high school coach, Paul Wiedeman, was never worried about how his former player would respond. "A lot of kids would pout and blame others and then leave, he said. His values what he believes in, it all comes out when you are faced with difficult things." Dogged by injuries, Zoubek persevered and today is a key contributor for Duke's NCAA title contending squad.

Omar Samhan was not in a position to blame anyone for his plight. He had to sit out his first year and was so out of shape during his sophomore year that he would sometimes purposely foul so he could rest! His choice was simple.....get to work or gradually disappear. He chose the more difficult path and committed himself to becoming better. On Saturday in St. Mary's second round victory over Villanova, Samhan completely dominated a team full of former "blue chip" recruits. In a NY Times interview he explained how he had transformed himself. "There are very few people who are willing to work hard enough to be good, he said. The people who are willing to do what it takes to change that from good to great is such a small number. I want to be one of those!" St. Mary's coach Randy Bennett's comment on Omar's transformation: "He lets you coach him. Not all guys let that happen, they're pouty or don't handle it right. But he wants to be coached. These kids today can jump 40 inches in the air, but none of them know what it takes to have good footwork which is just to grind every day doing the same drills over and over. Do the same up and under millions of times. Guys don't want to do that."

When surrounded by athletes as good or better, will your child pout or grind? More importantly on day #1 of job one, will he be capable of flying solo? Unfortunately today's youth sports culture is producing more pouters than grinders. The suffocating structure imposed on prepubescent kids often prevents them from ever developing the ability to spread their own wings. Often parents become ensnared in the trap of keeping up with their peers in the race to advance their child. Demonstrating restraint to allow children to fight through difficult times on their own is crucial to their development. A young person who always counts on Mom or Dad to jump in and save the day, will blame others for bumps in the road later in life. Brad McCoy said it best: "Prepare your child for the path, don't create the path for your child." And we all know how his son Colt competes!

"Player Coached Teams are Better than Coach Coached Teams"

2010-03-16T20:33:00.009-05:00

Michigan State Head Basketball Coach Tom Izzo made this statement while reflecting on his 2000 NCAA Championship season during an interview on ESPN. Izzo is a no nonsense coach who wants his teams to play a certain way. He is tough, but he is also smart because he understands that to overachieve a team must become player driven. In a one-and-done scenario a group of players who need constant direction from the coach is usually beaten by opposing players who have taken over their team.

Knowing when and how much to loosen the reins on a team is a skill that takes years for a coach to develop. Failure to develop this skill causes many careers to plateau. Bright, ambitious young men and women who seem to possess all of the tools for coaching greatness enjoy early success then suddenly hit a wall and wonder why. Their inability (or unwillingness) to let go derails their efforts to help good teams become great teams or to develop great teams into champions.

Tom Izzo's championship team was led by point guard Mateen Cleaves. By March of 2000,Cleaves and his teammates had survived months,in some cases years, of his demanding practices. Out of this cauldron came a team on a mission. The players were ready to take over. They were ready to fly under their own power and would not be denied. It was their team.........the ultimate coaching achievement!

Do You Compare or Compete?

2010-03-11T12:45:00.000-06:00

Randy Snow, former Wheelchair Tennis World Champion, made this statement during a motivational talk that he delivered in 2000 to a group of athletes at UT. He was frustrated by a disturbing trend that he was seeing develop in young people.........a constant, almost obsessive need to know how they stack up against others. Randy's comment resonated with me. More than ever before recruiting had become a question of exactly how many times do I have to tell this kid (and more importantly his parents) how awesome he is? For a team to win an NCAA Championship, the athletes have to want it more than the coaches. It has become increasingly difficult for college coaches to find recruits who inspired them..........the drive to compete just oozing out of their pores!

I decided to develop a Competitive Personality Profile to help me evaluate prospects. I listed negative characteristics in the left column and the corresponding positive characteristics in the right column. I then constructed questions designed to help me determine whether a recruit was a "left sider" or a "right sider.". For instance, questions about experiences they had with their coaches while growing up provided me with insight into traits 1, 2, 6, 7, 8, and 9. In many cases their answers revealed attitudes and trends in behavior that were likely to be repeated in college.

A similar method of screening, called behavior-based interviewing (see Feb. 18th post), has become increasingly popular with corporations as an integral part of the hiring process. It has proven to be a more reliable predictor of future excellence than conventional screening protocols because it is more difficult to simply tell the interviewer what he or she wants to hear. Will our young students be prepared for this gauntlet? Will they be Left Siders or Right Siders? Will they be Comparors or Competitors?

How Will Your Child Respond?

2010-03-11T12:42:00.001-06:00

Trinity is a member of the Austin Inter Parochial League (AIPL) a group of 18 independent middle schools from all over the Austin area. It is superbly well organized, offering hundreds of students opportunities to compete in a variety of sports throughout the school year. Our basketball teams just finished competing in 10 different season-ending AIPL tournaments, a sort of February Madness......which spilled into March because of a "snow" day.

I am very pleased with the improvement demonstrated by our young basketball players this season particularly in two important areas:

1. Learning what it truly means to play within the team concept.

2. Learning the fundamentals crucial to playing within the team concept.....man defense, moving without the ball, spacing, looking, and passing.

We have stressed these areas of development in our PE Sports units as well. They are skill sets that set the stage for future athletic development and yet they are some of the most ignored fundamentals in our how-do-I-get-my-child-ahead youth sports culture. Too many of our young athletes have spent a disproportionate amount of time focussing on individual skills like dribbling and shooting. When they reach a level.....usually HS JV, HS Varsity, or (for a select few) college.....where everyone around them is as good or better, they do cannot function within the team concept.

Personally, there is nothing more gratifying than watching our athletes execute together. The parents at Trinity generate lots of positive energy at games, spurring our athletes on to dive for loose balls, lockdown on defense, and share the ball on offense.......characteristics of a true competitor. Our kids are being taught seminal life lessons and everyone is part of the process!

Your Son Doesn't Have a Career.....He's 12!

2010-03-11T12:40:00.002-06:00

As General Manager of the Lone Star Soccer Club, Tony Capasso had grown accustomed to working in a high pressure environment. He was used to dealing with prepubescent phenoms and their omnipresent handlers. One day though he became particularly agitated when a certain father continued to pressure him to put his son on a higher team. "This is critically important to my son's career!" he insisted. Tony lost his customary cool with a response that unveiled his true feelings about the situation: "Your son does not have a career........he's 12!!!"

I have thought about Tony's comment often while coaching the 5th and 6th grade AA Boys basketball team at Trinity this season. Recently, the team had what I considered to be one of its best practices of the year. The boys had maintained a high level of focus and attention to detail for the entire 1 hour and 20 minutes! As we huddled at the end of practice, I was pumped........and they were too! As we brought our fists together I looked at them intently and asked, "OK, what's it going to be?" Of course I was anticipating that they would want to end this particularly inspiring practice session with a cheer of "team!" or "defense!" or "hard work!" Instead they looked up almost in unison and said, "Coach, can we say happy birthday Isaac?" I was momentarily stunned then broke into a smile and said, "Absolutely!"

I'm not sure that I would have reacted that way at the beginning of the season. It's been a long time since I last coached this age. As a coach it is crucial for me to understand how 11 and 12 year olds think. Deep down what they play for is a love of the game..........then it's on to the birthday party!

Where Have The Competitors Gone?

2010-03-11T12:39:00.001-06:00

In an era of political correctness, Rick Barnes is a throwback. Instead of engaging in coachspeak or carefully crafted soundbites, he tells it like it is. Like so many other coaches and teachers working with college students today, he is dealing with entitled kids who have been told how great they are their whole lives. Asked how J'Covan Brown could restore himself to a more prominent role after sitting out much of the Texas Tech game on Monday night, Barnes said: "One word: consistency in all areas of the game. That's what we've looked for all year. People wonder why we go back and forth. It's consistency. It's preparation. It's the details. It's accountability. He knows what we need from him. He needs to prepare every day, not just when it's convenient."

Monday's speaker, Corey Ciochetti expressed similar dismay about how so many of his students at Denver University avoid any endeavor that might take perseverence. "They do not want to compete!", he says. Dr. Patricia Somers, a professor in UT's College of Education, voices the same concern about UT students. "If you're scratching your head at this point and wondering how a 22 year old who's not able to address her setbacks, disappointments, goals, and progress at the university level is ever going to adjust to a complex job situation and an independent adult life then you've been paying attention."

The same problem exists in college athletics today. Self motivated, tough minded young athletes are still out there, but it has become increasingly difficult for college coaches to find them. Kids do not want to deal with adversity. They are constantly looking to others for direction and, without it, they're lost. One UT coach calls them "robokids." Often the challenge in college recruiting is trying to determine which entitled recruit will be willing to adjust and respond when they are faced with others of equal ability in practice every day..........not just when it's covenient.

Its All About Marketing

2010-03-11T12:37:00.000-06:00

On Monday morning Corey Ciocchetti, a Denver University professor and motivational speaker delivered an impassioned speech to Trinity parents and 8th graders. He stressed the importance of striving for authentic success......a life filled with genuine contentment, strong personal relationships, and a solid character. His definition of character, "doing good things for other people when no one is looking," is a refreshing perspective at a time when it seems like so many people are focussed on branding themselves. I thought that branding was done to sell cars, cereal, software and other things........not people!

This is a distressing trend. Too often it is not about what a person truly believes in........it's about creating a perception that leads to a favorable impression. Legendary coach John Wooden once said "be more concerned about your character than your reputation because your character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what people think you are." This line of thinking seems almost quaint today's world where marketing rules!

In future posts I will share my views on how marketing has destroyed youth sports.

What Trained Eyes See

2010-03-11T12:34:00.000-06:00

In November of 2007 my son Andy's prep school team, Northfield Mount Hermon, played in the National Prep Showcase in Lowell, Massachusetts. Some of the top recruits in the country performed in the tournament before dozens of college recruiters. John Caliperi made the trip to get face time with his future star Tyreke Evans who played for American Christian, a school that ceased to exist after he "graduated."

Andy played particularly well in one of the tournament games. I was excited when a certain college coach called me to express interest in him. I had my "dad hat" on so I was expecting to hear him comment on the 3's that Andy had made. Instead he said: " I like the way that he advances the ball and feeds the post. He makes good decisions." I was dazed by recruiting hype. This coach was looking for talented players who understood the game and could play within the team concept.

This story came back to me as I watched one of our Trinity boys perform recently. His game was not flashy, but the way he played made his teammates better. In the space of one 6 minute quarter I saw him pitch the ball ahead to a teammate for an easy lay up, thread a bounce pass to a teammate in the short corner, loft a pass into the post from the top of the key, replace the wing so that he could enter the post from the wing position, and dribble penetrate into a gap in the defense before kicking a pass back out to a teammate. His head was always up, his eyes scanning the court looking for open teammates. Sometimes he made a pass that led to the pass to an open teammate. It was a treat to witness!

Sometimes we get so caught up oogling at athletic plays that we miss elements of the game which are absolutely crucial to the success of the team. This was just one example of outstanding team play that all 10 of our basketball teams have exhibited this season. And it's not over yet! We're in the middle of tournament week. Go Tornado!

Will They Be Ready?

2010-03-11T12:31:00.001-06:00

At UT I designed a Competitive Personality Profile as a basis for developing questions to ask recruits. A growing number of employers are using similar methods of behavior-based interviewing to screen job candidates. The premise behind this type of interviewing is that the most accurate predictor of future performance is past performance in similar situations. In a traditional job interview, the candidate can get away with telling the interviewer what he or she wants to hear. In a behavioral interview, any story that is not totally honest will fail to hold up under a seige of probing questions designed to get at specific behaviors.

In an interview with the New York Times, Accenture CEO William Green, described how his company uses this method of screening candidates. "Essentially what we're looking for is, have you faced any adversity and what did you do about it? Have you shown intuition? Have you shown the ability to synthesize and act? Have you shown the ability to step up and make a choice? Have you dealt with the hand in front of you and played it out?" He told a story about hiring a college graduate who had worked most of the time that he was not attending classes over others who brought with them the usual padded portfolios. " I mean you sacrifice and you're a victim or you sacrifice because it's the right thing to do and have pride in it. Simple thing. Huge difference."

As an educator it helps me to focus on the qualities that our students will need to thrive in their first job. Most of them will be fortunate enough to receive ample outside support with test prep, resume building, and key contacts to gain admission to an outstanding secondary school and a prestigious college. The same network can be used to land a plum job after college. At this point the moment of truth arrives. The advantage of an external support system disappears. Does our former student possess the character traits necessary to compete?

Important life lessons can be learned through athletics that complement what students are learning in the classroom. In a world where increasingly the only constant is exponential change, qualities like adaptability, resilience, and collaboration are crucial to success in the workplace. Middle School students are at a sensitive age for developing these characteristics. In athletics and in physical education classes at Trinity, we conduct frequent discussions revolving around our 3 pillars.....Respect, Teamwork, and Perseverence. We also work to cultivate four key relationships: player to school, player to team, player to coach, and player to self. If we want our students to charge into the world hungry to take on challenges, they will have to be equipped with a strong sense of self and the ability to collaborate with others. The Uncomfort Zone awaits them. Will it be viewed as a land of opportunity?

When Perception IS Reality!

2010-03-11T12:26:00.001-06:00

So many professional athletes seem absorbed in branding (or incorporating!) themselves. With native West Austinite Drew Brees, what you see is what you get. I hope kids are taking it in!

2010-03-03T21:02:00.001-06:00